CNN is reporting that, after about 17 long centuries of insignificance, I’m finally getting some attention in Athens:

Watched by curious onlookers, some 20 worshippers gathered next to the ruins of the temple for a celebration organized by Ellinais, a year-old Athens-based group that is campaigning to revive old religious practices from the era when Greece was a fount of education and philosophy.

Today, 20 worshippers… tomorrow, the world! I plan to launch an aggressive marketing campaign with a three part strategy:

• Cool titles. While Christianity offers the likes of “bishop” (what is this, chess?) my worshipers may attain cool ranks like “high priestess.” I’ve been thinking of appointing a “grand poobah” as well.
• No commandments. Unlike most gods I’m willing to permit free thought, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand.
• Town hall meetings. I plan to travel the countryside answering carefully scripted questions from My greatest fans and pretending to care about mortal input.

I am a bit worried about the high expectations of my newfound friends:

Dressed in ancient costumes, worshippers standing near the temple’s imposing Corinthian columns recited hymns calling on the Olympian Zeus, “King of the gods and the mover of things,” to bring peace to the world.

Isn’t that coming on a little strong? Sure I may be the King of the Gods, but nowadays that’s really more of a ceremonial title than anything. Requests for world peace should be redirected to Prime Minster of the Gods. For Me, “mover of things” is more to the point. I moved the Christian God’s new plasma TV into His living room for the Super Bowl, for example.

Maybe if I get another billion worshippers I can look at doing something about world peace, but for now that job’s too daunting. Even Allah won’t touch it with a 40-foot pole.

---

Add to: Blink It | Blogarithm | Bloglines | | Digg it | FURL | +Google | My AOL | NewsGator | Newsburst | Reddit | Slashdot | Spurl | Y! MyWeb

Technorati Tags: No Tags

Trackback URL here.