Ted Haggard has his Priorities Straight!
Some of you may remember Reverend Ted Haggard from Richard Dawkins‘ documentary The Root of All Evil, in which Pastor Ted valiantly made an ass of himself in front of an international audience in My name. Until recently, he was president of the National Association of Evangelicals and an advisor of President Bush.
Unfortunately, the liberal media has overlooked the way he nobly sacrificed his dignity for Me, preferring to focus on this little bit of dirt they dug up on him. Ted Haggard resigned as pastor of the evangelical New Life Church after it came to light that he cheated on his wife to enjoy a drugged up orgy with a male prostitute and then lied about it.
Right now I have one of heaven’s accountants going over that sentence to tally up exactly how many sins are involved. In the meantime, Ted has already begun to atone, first things first:
The Rev. Ted Haggard emerged from three weeks of intensive counseling convinced he is “completely heterosexual” and told an oversight board that his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser.
Problem solved! He’s not a homosexual anymore. So far, he has made no attempt to atone for cheating on his wife, doing methamphetamine, hiring a prostitute, or lying to cover it up, but one out of five ain’t bad.
Of course, the media doesn’t see it that way. Nor do they focus on the redeeming value of Ted Haggard’s earlier good work spreading homophobia, including this line from one of his sermons:
“we don’t have to debate about what we should think about homosexual activity. It’s written in the Bible.”
Ted Haggard understands that the path to sin begins with thinking about morality. Thinking could lead one to dangerous conclusions which contradict My word. Many Christians successfully fight the temptation with the help of men like Pastor Ted. He was one of My most tireless advocates of thoughtless obedience.
Another thing I like about Ted is his uncanny resemblance, in so many ways, to Satan back when he was still an angel. Ah, those were the days. And Ted looks just like the guy. Just compare these two pictures:
Satan (left) (ca 7000 b.c.) … Ted Haggard (right) (ca 2000 a.d.)
The resemblance will make for some comical cases of mistaken identity when he’s burning in hell.
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Haha That’s pretty funny mate. I blogged about haggard today too.
Nice one – very funny your noodlyness.
I always find those pictures of Ted Haggard quite scary. It really is a case of looking into the eyes of the insane. I thought as much on the Root of All Evil – if he had been talking and acting like that, but not talking about God would have been locked up years ago.
Properly insane smile.
This is utter nonsense. Everyone knows it takes at least 4 weeks to turn hetero.
Go, ted, go!
why are christians so obsessed with sex, gender and genitals.. it seems that blaming gays and lesbians is like almost a passtime and obsession for many christians. Don’t they ever worry about the real problems of the world, like hunger, poverty, war, disease , famine?
The bible is replete with admonishment about the sins of heterosexuals..in fact in old testamental times fornication and adultery was punishable by death…maybe we should reinstitute the death penalty for straight adulterers and fornicators — hmmm stoning seems like an exciting sport – just ask the muslims where stoning of adulterers is still a rather exciting public entertainment ( i think i’m gonna throw up ).
christians used to demonize jews for centuries as jesus-killers and this embolden many ordinary germans to persecute jews leading to the holocaust. Similarly centuries of demonizing and denigration of gays and lesbians and sexual minorities have embolden otherwise morally bankrupt heterosexuals to discriminate and do violence to sexual minorities. This has got to stop. Christians are deluding themselves, if they really want to obey Christ then love God with all yr heart and immediately love your neighbour as yourself ..be they gay or straight. If you cannot practise this most important of all the commandments then you have no business declaring yourself a christian irregardless of how big your church or your choir or your coffer may be !
Oh..by the way Jesus said to the rich man..give up all your worldly goods and follow me! Did i hear any ‘christians’ dare to say AMEN LOL LOL LOL
Mikhail – a child of the intelligent Universe
Evangelicals and christians in general tend to be so obsessed with sex, gender and genitals to the point that you would think that morality = sex and nothing more. Why I suppose in an evangelical’s mind a heterosexual drug dealer is ‘morally’ superior to a gay philanthropist. Christians in general are guilty of being self righteous and are constantly pretending to ‘love the sinner but hate the sin ‘ as if they can really do that -hah.!!!
May I remind them that the oft repeated mantra of the modern pharasees ‘ love the sinner but not the sin’ is not a quote from Jesus , but a glib semantic invention of some self righteous baptist minister.
Careful scholars of biblical texts who are familiar with the intricacies of ancient oriental languages are wont to not read their bias into isolated quotations.
Jesus had no problems with gays ( natural eunuchs born of the mother’s womb). If you are anti-gay or condemnatory of gay people than you are out of sync with Jesus.
This is what Jesus said:
KJV Matthew 19:12
12. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
No less an authority than Jesus said it is o.k. to be gay, and for you to accept it. Who do you wish to follow – Jesus (of Nazareth) or Jerry (Falwell).
For more detail discussion of this biblical position on the acceptance of gay people by no less an authority than JESUS – THE SON OF GOD , I refer you to this link :
http://www.hiddenmeanings.com/gaysJesus2.htm
Mikhail – a child of the intelligent Universe
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