I Made the “Turkana Boy” Skeleton Just to Screw with You

International eyes have recently fallen on Kenya as a result of opposition by My followers to a museum’s presentation of Turkana Boy as a distant ancestor of humanity. So far the skeleton has been sealed in a vault, but now scientific radicals are trying to allow the public to see it, even though it conflicts with My account of creation.

A scientist poses with the skull of Turkana Boy:

A Divine Forgery

They are faced with a common dilemma: acknowledge obvious, demonstrable facts, or believe My word. This is an encouraging story which shows that some Kenyans, not just Americans, are capable of thinking with their hearts instead of their brains.

Bishop Boniface Adoyo of Christ is The Answer Ministries is one such hero. From the CNN article,

“I did not evolve from Turkana Boy or anything like it,” says Bishop Boniface Adoyo, head of Kenya’s 35 evangelical denominations, which he claims have 10 million followers. “These sorts of silly views are killing our faith.”

He’s calling on his flock to boycott the exhibition and has demanded the museum relegate the fossil collection to a back room — along with some kind of notice saying evolution is not a fact but merely one of a number of theories.

This is a man whose extensive religious background equips him to interpret the fossil record in ways evolutionary biologists cannot possibly understand. He understands that I will lay down mountains of evidence just to tempt My believers away from the True Path, and he sees through the ruse.

Bishop Adoyo:
Bishop Boniface Adoyo

His scientific credentials, as listed on his ministry website profile, are impeccable:

Bishop Adoyo joined the staff at Nairobi Pentecostal Church in 1986, serving in various ministry positions. In 1990 he was appointed associate pastor of NPC Valley Road under then Senior Pastor, Rev Dennis White of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada. When Rev. White moved to launch NPC Karen, Rev. Adoyo assumed leadership as Senior Pastor of NPC Valley Road, becoming the first Kenyan Senior Pastor.

Bishop Bonifes Adoyo has a B.A. in Design and a Master of Divinity.

Without the work of Bishop Boniface Adoyo and others like him, many of his countrymen might still be honoring the pagan rituals of their ancestors, instead of worshipping Me and my nephew Jesus. That would suck.

Followers of creationism believe in the literal truth of the Genesis account in the Bible that God created the world in six days. Bishop Adoyo believes the world was created 12,000 years ago, with man appearing 6,000 years later. He says each biblical day was equivalent to 1,000 Earth years.

Adoyo’s evangelical coalition is the only religious group voicing concern about the exhibition.

This deeply upsets Me. How can My other followers abandon one of their own in his time of need, just because his views make no sense? If My flock shies away from nonsense, they shy away from Me, and I take that very personally.

The museum is moving forward with its plans to put Turkana Boy on display, just because they consider the fossil to be a national treasure and a rare chance for all of humanity to glimpse its roots. I urge My other followers to join Bishop Boniface Adoyo in protesting this shallow justification, by pointing out that the Bible is all you need to know about your origins.

I crafted Turkana Boy as a prank, complete with the proper carbon isotope ratio to suggest an age of 1.6 million years, and by falling for it hook, line, and sinker these scientists have denied Me credit for My joke. You and your family and Bishop Boniface Adoyo are in no way related to Turkana Boy or any other early hominids.

Here are some other animals to which Bishop Boniface Adoyo is in no way related:

Gorillas:

Mountain Gorillas

Parakeets:

Parakeets

Beavers:

Beavers

Panda Bears:

Panda Bears

Guppies:

Guppies

Wolf Spiders:

Wolf Spiders

I hope this post clears up any confusing signs I may have left in the fossil record to suggest you’re related to all of these.


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20 Responses to “I Made the “Turkana Boy” Skeleton Just to Screw with You”

  1. You wouldn’t believe how fucking relieved I am to find out that You have a sense of humor. Keep up the great blogging, God.

  2. Just typical of you God. All deities of any note are aware that carbon-14 dating is not used on stage-props meant to be over approximately 50000 years old. Instead, we carefully place them in the “correct” strata that we have laced with false evidence of age so that we can laugh at these “scientists” over a jug of cider. Or Ambrosia in the case of Zeus.

    Or has Loki been hacking your blog again and inserting errors. He has always had an penchant for meta-tricks

  3. Oh no…I stumbled upon this website and read this blog and fell off my chair when I discovered that someone still relies on carbon-14 dating as accurate. A little science lesson: fact the earth’s magnetic field has been deteriorating at a rapid rate. Fact: the earth’s magnetic field shields us from Carbon radiation. Fact: Weaken the magnetic field and you allow more carbon radiation to enter the earth’s atmosphere. Fact: More carbon radiation in the atmosphere in 2007 a.d. versus say a ton less in 100 a.d. would result in carbon dating causing things to appear much older than they are. For example: a live mollusk shell that was dated over 5,000 years old…interesting.

    I almost backflipped when I saw that someone also believe in the layers of strata (err so called geological column). Some unanswered questions arise here…..how is it that dinosaur fossils have been discovered in the same column as homosapien fossils (full evolved)? How is it that 30 foot tall trees are found standing erect in the so called “geological column”? Wouldn’t that be more evidence of rapid sedimentation? Interesting isn’t it that if you put dirt in a bucket filled with water and mix it up that it will layer in a very similar pattern as we find in the “geological column.

    Some other ponderies: The information found on the web is very vague and inconclusive. Turkana boy is described as having ape like features. Interesting isn’t that? Apelike features in Africa? Wait are there apes living in Africa?
    I did a search all over the internet to see if I could find photos of the archeaological dig of Turkana boy as I know scientists are son fond of showing off their discoveries. Why is it that I found none? Are they trying to hide something like the distance between the bones that they discovered? HMMMMMM……..

    Does anyone remember Nebraska man from our elementary science fiction text books? You know…the Nebraska man that was proven to be a hoax? You know the story….of how it was determined by the scientific world (evolutionists included) that the skull fossil was a hoax based upon a tooth which was discovered to be from a pig. Interesting that Nebraska man is still in the “science” fiction text books.

    Turkana boy is just another desperate attempt by some desperate evolutions trying to save a dying theory. It’s o.k. You can let it go now. D.N.A. discovery alone has shot major holes in this dead theory.

    And for those who stand firm a few questions:
    Where did the space for the universe come from?
    Where did matter come from?
    How did matter get so perfectly organized?
    Where did the laws of the universe come from (i.e. gravity, inertia, etc)?
    When, where, why and how did life learn to reproduce itself?

    Those are just a few…there are hundreds more questions that evolutionists can’t answer and have to rely upon faith to follow their theory. Wait…did you say faith? Isn’t that religion? Why yes it is. That’s because evolution is a theory.

  4. @Stevo: Where is my mighty hammer so that I can smite your thick skull. Every single one of your objections is straight from AIG or some faithful devotee of that putz who calls himself God.

    I laughed so hard that I almost had thunder coming out my nose when I read your ridiculous claim Homo Sapiens has been found with Dinosaurs fossils. I specifically placed them in different strata so I should know. I think you should go have a look at the talk.origins archive and educate yourself. In case you can’t use Google here is the link:
    http://www.talkorigins.org/indexcc/list.html

  5. Soldier on, Stevo!

    I hope God doesn’t mind Me asking this on one of His posts, but would you like to join Islam? We could use a guy like you who spends more time making shit up than blowing shit up.

  6. Hey Allah, I’ve never noticed this before, but your name is strikingly similar to Valhalla (the place where I hang out with Dad and a few other unpopular deities).

    Ever been there? Cool place, except we don’t have any virgins left what with all of the vikings hanging around here raping pillaging and plundering.

    Come visit some time. BYOV

  7. I for one am personally upset that you woke me up to read this utter tripe.

    Those scientists who disproved Nebraska man a scant three years after it was first publicised still think that facts can save them from the Madness of my existence.

    And you. God, fhtagn! Humans were made for shoggoth food, you incestuous ninny.

  8. Did that guy mean to write “Stevo”, or did he just misspell “Steve”?

    In case anyone was wondering, I did look up the proper spelling of “misspell”. Funny thing, I have a neighboor by the name of Miss Spell. Let me tell you, she is a lot of fun. She kinda looks like an orangutan though…

    I always enjoy seeing wildlife photos, especially of beavers. Keep up the great work, skydaddy.

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  11. Hai,

    I’m a women missionary from Inida.

    Susan Sen
    eternalwayind@rediffmail.com

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  13. i really enjoyed reading this keep up the good work

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  15. Great stuff, going to have to review it again.

  16. wow,with all retarded sarcasm you douchebags bring you would think you had proof of evolution but you dont.show me within the fossil record a sequence of fossils of one species “evolving”into another.just give me one proven(proven not speculated upon)example im sure you have trillions of them.all you people do is speculate and lie alot.you avoid looking at your actual claim (you say evolution is proven)and you try to sidetrack the discussion by any means.you have to be a total retard to believe evolution has been proven.

  17. Proof? The ToE is science, not math. Scientific theories are never proven, they can only be disproven. Until a theory is disproven, it remains valid.
    Try thinking in terms of science rather than faith.
    If you find this too difficult, stick to your faith and forget about how science scares you.

    Thanks for playing.

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