Oops, My Check Bounced
This is so embarrassing. I’ve learned via Pharyngula that this past Monday 21-year-old Indiana resident Kevin Russell tried to cash a check I wrote him for $50,000 and it apparently bounced:
Kevin Russell found out it’s not easy trying to cash a check from God. The 21-year-old man was arrested Monday after he tried to cash a check for $50,000 at the Chase Bank in Hobart that was signed “King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant,” Hobart police Detective Jeff White said.
Russell was charged with one count attempted check fraud and one count intimidation, both felonies, and one count resisting law enforcement, a misdemeanor. He could face prison time.
Look fellas, I appreciate your attempts to blame the kid, but this really is My fault. I may be omniscient and omnipotent, but My accountant is neither. I got a little carried away at the track last weekend and wasn’t watching My account balance closely and, long story short, today I had to get a loan from China just to pay Heaven’s electric bill.
Now you know why it’s so important that you put money in the donation plate in church. Money doesn’t grow on trees, despite My best efforts. I got pesos to grow on a bush one time, but a raccoon ate them.
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Delicious! Thanks.
I’m just glad to know you’re ok. I haven’t seen you around in quite some time.
Dear God,
Please check again to to see if your omniscience is still in effect. After 14 billion years, it may be fading a little.
I note that in the third line you say you wrote the checque for $500,000 and then supply the quoted text which declares it was only $50,000.
If you are going to claim that this was your secretary’s mistake while taking dictaton, why aren’t you still using the ones from the old days that were supposed to be inerrant?
While we are on the subject of money and I have your attention, could you please not grant my wife’s prayers for that unlimited credit card? I am having a hard enough time with the payments on the card she is using now.
Thanks,
God bless You
ps Not that I want to seem to be ordering You to bless Yourself.
It’s still the same ones. But come on, look at the Earth — you can’t seriously call that inerrant!
Since you pointed out a mistake, I’ll be happy to not grant your wife’s prayers for a higher credit limit. Not granting prayers is what I do best.
Hasn’t heaven converted to Euros yet?
No. I only love America. Haven’t you heard?
[…] Anyway, we’ve gotten sidetracked, haven’t we? What was the point of this post again? Yes, God blogs. Sometimes, in fact, through no fault of His own, of course, His checks bounce. […]
[…] will know why. Nothing pisses Me off like money that doesn’t trust Me, especially when My checks are bouncing. Tony tries to get to the bottom of the problem: Has the ACLU and the militant atheists […]
I don’t see why you didn’t just print money, since you’re God afterall.
Oh, wait. You do:
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=50497
But the feds won’t let anyone spend it.
http://www.apocalypsecartoons.com/fathertucker/ep1/ft1.html
“Come follow Me, I’ll make you fishers of boys.”
Mk :17
Your cash is not no good here at NAMBLA.
[…] Batts pointed me to the Blog of the Gods where God apologizes for his bounced check, which has led to some loss of credit. But today’s post is the best so far. […]
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