Wonder where God has been?

You may have noticed God hasn’t been around much lately, or at least He hasn’t been posting here. Actually, He has been altogether absent from Heaven, not just the public relations office. As you know, He’s very, very old, and He’s prone to just wandering off for long periods of time. Usually we find Him down by the pond throwing rocks at frogs, but sometimes He gets lost in the woods and it takes weeks or even years to find Him. Remember World War II?

I’m just a “whippersnapper,” as the old folks say, made up by some college kid with too much time on his hands several thousand years after He was first made up by a goat-herder who was in basically the same situation. So far be it for Me to pass judgement on My elder deity, but some part of Me wishes He would just retire and turn the reins over to Somebody more competent, Somebody who would violently smite every newscaster who dares utter the words “Paris Hilton” on the air, Somebody who would have incinerated Jerry Falwell’s funeral-goers with a fiery meteor more massive than Falwell himself. Somebody with the balls — or meatballs, as the case may be — to enforce sanity on this world.

Unfortnately, that won’t be happening anytime soon. God stumbled back in this morning, stinking of fungus and asking what day it is. He said He’s going to post His thoughts on some of the events He missed. So stay tuned.


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32 Responses to “Wonder where God has been?”

  1. Its good to see the old ones returning. Still, it will take some time before his apparent senility becomes public knowledge.

  2. Whether you believe God created man.or man created god. The spirit of humanity lives and the peace we are all looking for is in the standards of Jesus Christ. With that said, In the beginning War broke out in Heaven. John. 8:44. Rev.12:7] Now the earth was formless and void. Gen.1:2] Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.Matt.6:10] The government of Heaven is ten Laws. So if you are wondering where God is He is at work as we speak.

  3. Dear lord,

    begging my pardon dear god, but this is the biggest load of shit i have ever heard. How dare you say that god has gottain lost! i am disgusted!! this is a disgrace to all of his worshipers. i was brought up in a cruel, cruel world and god has been there with me every step if the way. i believe in fortune, i believe in luck and beieve in fate, but i dont believe in this crock of shit! i think you should take this off the web as soon as humanly possible! or i will turn my entire village church comitee on you!!! god will find you and it wont take long, and he will send you to satin on your death bed! also the people who agree with this stupid theory that he is missing, stfu!!!!! i have said my piece, may god be with you,

    amen

  4. Heehee, this is funny. Especially when people get so riled up over it. I mean, it’s OBVIOUSLY a joke. Well, a satirical joke, anyway. It just makes me wonder… why so defensive?

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