Hi, I’m the God of the Old Testament. I’ve been described as follows:

“arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully”

Well, at least he didn’t call Me a spoiled brat.

None of the traits above are My fault, anyway. They say absolute power corrupts absolutely, and I’ve been dealing with absolute power for over six thousand years. Besides, since I’m God, I’m above the rules of morality. If anyone else endorses slavery, the stoning to death of gays, the selling of one’s daughters into prostitution, racism, infanticide, filicide, or genocide, it’s wrong. If I do it, I work in mysterious ways^tm.

I promise to tone down My rhetoric on this blog. My deadly Acts of God^tm may not have changed much in thousands of years, but I’ve learned a lot about spin by watching Republicans who so often find themselves in the same situation.

Three things you might not know about me:

• Everyone knows I am the Alpha and the Omega, but you might not realize that I am also the Kappa, the Sigma, and the Tau. My good friend Allah is the Epsilon… lucky bastard.
• When I was 14 I created a practice universe in My parents’ basement. I mixed the epoxy wrong and it dried too soon, so Earth came out looking kind of like an acorn. I kept a few of My early attempts at people just for old time’s sake, so if you’ve ever wondered why Rush Limbaugh and Carrot Top seem like they’re from a different universe, now you know.
• Jesus was actually My nephew.