A Lost Gospel re: Virginia Tech Massacre

Hey everyone, Uncle God wrote this months ago but couldn’t find a disciple to type it up for him.  He’s not so good with computers.  He makes a typo, He throws a wrathful lightning bolt, He waits 5 weeks for HP to recover His damaged hard drive.  You know how it goes.  –Jesus Many true [...]

Jeffrey Dahmer — Answers in Genesis Spokesman?

Tonight MSNBC aired a lengthy interview with serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and his father. When asked by his father when he first realized people are accountable for their actions, he replied: “Well, thanks to you [his father] for sending that, uh, Creation Science, uh, material, because I always, I always believed the lie that evolution [...]

I am not Kent Hovind’s cellmate.

Creationist criminal Kent Hovind, who is serving a much-publicized prison sentence for large-scale tax evasion, has just published an alleged conversation with Me. I know I’ve made Myself scarce lately, but this slander forces Me to break My silence and clear the record. I am not, nor have I ever been, incarcerated in a federal [...]

GodMen: Tyler Durden Meets Ned Flanders

I think some Christians saw Fight Club. They apparently left the movie thinking that the one thing that could have made Tyler Durden cooler is a personal relationship with Jesus. So far I agree — a little more prayer and that movie would have been perfect. I started implementing Project Mayhem thousands of years before [...]

Stop Squishing My Messengers

Ever wonder why you never see angels or other agents of Mine meddling directly in your affairs? After all, if I care so much about your belief, why shouldn’t I send My immortal servants to indisputably negate all doubt of My existence? To “test” your faith? WRONG. My messengers are with you all the time. [...]

Jerry Falwell’s Disposable Earth

Reverend Jerry Falwell (quite possibly pictured at right with a friend), who holds sway over millions of Christians because his affair with Ted Haggard is not yet public, has made recent headlines by warning his followers that global warming is “Satan’s attempt to redirect the church’s primary focus” from evangelism to environmentalism. I’m skeptical. How [...]

Blasphemous U.S. Mint Brings New Commandment

Via the column of pudgy conservative Tony Phyrillas on NewsVine, I see that the U.S. Mint has snubbed Me. This is one of the new $1 coins: In God We Trust appears on the edge of the coin, not the front! Tony shares My outrage:

Stephen Colbert’s Mansion in Heaven

Recently Stephen Colbert set a great example by praying to Me on the air to give thanks for all the prayers made on His behalf on Thursday, February 22nd. That was Stephen Colbert Prayer Day, a theological holiday declared by the Media Leader Prayer Calendar, a coalition of Christians who hope to reform the media [...]

Oops, My Check Bounced

This is so embarrassing. I’ve learned via Pharyngula that this past Monday 21-year-old Indiana resident Kevin Russell tried to cash a check I wrote him for $50,000 and it apparently bounced: Kevin Russell found out it’s not easy trying to cash a check from God. The 21-year-old man was arrested Monday after he tried to [...]

Fox’s John Gibson to join Anna Nicole Smith and Paula Zahn in Hell

John Gibson, host of The Big Story on Fox News, is the latest in a series of mainstream reporters sentenced to an eternity in hell for unabashedly obsessive coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith story. Some liberal watchdogs have criticized this transcript from Gibson’s radio show: