Ever wonder why I made stupid people? It’s because they’re so entertaining and loyal to me. I make just enough smart people to keep civilization from falling apart, but they hardly ever come to church or give me money. So I fill the rest of the ranks with people like conservative columnist Debbie Schlussel. It’s [...]

Posted on February 6th, 2007 by God
Filed under: Atheists, Prayers, Sycophants | 23 Comments »

Over at WorldNetDaily, there’s a new editorial by Chuck Norris on who the founding fathers would support as the next President of the United States. Norris is uniquely qualified to comment on American history because he played Walker, Texas Ranger on television. He determines, based on a sermon from the year 1790 which contains what [...]

Posted on February 6th, 2007 by God
Filed under: Smiting, Sycophants | 4 Comments »

Did you all like the weather I stirred up for Super Bowl XLI? Dry, sunny football games are boring as Eden. After the game, which the Indianapolis Colts won 29-17, their owner, their head coach Tony Dungy, and quarterback Peyton Manning all gave the credit for the win to… Yours Truly! Thanks guys, for remembering [...]

Posted on February 5th, 2007 by God
Filed under: Worshippers | 4 Comments »

I found this story about the Florida tornadoes this morning. First, sorry about the tornadoes. Sometimes I’m making it rain and I just get a little carried away with the clouds and all. I probably should have been more careful, but I was kind of distracted watching a late-night rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond. Anyway, [...]

Posted on February 5th, 2007 by God
Filed under: Oops, Prayers, Worshippers | 2 Comments »

I feel a brief introduction is necessary. For thousands of years, people have been speaking out on My behalf. The only one I had actually authorized, Nicholas Standish, tried to spread My word on the corner of Cromwell and Fulham in London in 1926. In retrospect, I should have picked someone with better hygiene, someone [...]

Posted on February 5th, 2007 by God
Filed under: Mysterious Ways | No Comments »