GodMen: Tyler Durden Meets Ned Flanders

I think some Christians saw Fight Club. They apparently left the movie thinking that the one thing that could have made Tyler Durden cooler is a personal relationship with Jesus. So far I agree — a little more prayer and that movie would have been perfect. I started implementing Project Mayhem thousands of years before [...]

Stop Squishing My Messengers

Ever wonder why you never see angels or other agents of Mine meddling directly in your affairs? After all, if I care so much about your belief, why shouldn’t I send My immortal servants to indisputably negate all doubt of My existence? To “test” your faith? WRONG. My messengers are with you all the time. [...]

“Slice Up Your Kids” Week

So, it turns out many of my followers like to cut up their children. On a positive note, I’m glad Iraq and some other Arab states have such a free and permissive society. Where else can a guy scalp his kid in public without being arrested? Where else is a man allowed to exercise his [...]

Darwin the source of terror? Oh puh-leeze.

A disappointing story on Yahoo News begins: Tens of thousands of French schools and universities have received copies of a Turkish book refuting Darwin’s theory of evolution and describing it as “the true source of terrorism.” Apparently some sorely misguided followers of Mine, who are ashamed of My endorsement of jihad, are trying to let [...]

I’m Back, Baby!

CNN is reporting that, after about 17 long centuries of insignificance, I’m finally getting some attention in Athens: Watched by curious onlookers, some 20 worshippers gathered next to the ruins of the temple for a celebration organized by Ellinais, a year-old Athens-based group that is campaigning to revive old religious practices from the era when [...]

I Win Super Bowl XLI

Did you all like the weather I stirred up for Super Bowl XLI? Dry, sunny football games are boring as Eden. After the game, which the Indianapolis Colts won 29-17, their owner, their head coach Tony Dungy, and quarterback Peyton Manning all gave the credit for the win to… Yours Truly! Thanks guys, for remembering [...]

Answering a Prayer for my Fan Club

Some of you may have read about the 3 million Muslims praying for peace in Bangladesh. My answer is: No. I don’t do peace, so stop praying for it. You’ll have to figure this one out for yourselves. I’m not going to hold My breath…

Wow, You Just Can’t Piss Some People Off

I found this story about the Florida tornadoes this morning. First, sorry about the tornadoes. Sometimes I’m making it rain and I just get a little carried away with the clouds and all. I probably should have been more careful, but I was kind of distracted watching a late-night rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond. Anyway, [...]