Reverend Jerry Falwell (quite possibly pictured at right with a friend), who holds sway over millions of Christians because his affair with Ted Haggard is not yet public, has made recent headlines by warning his followers that global warming is
“Satan’s attempt to redirect the church’s primary focus” from evangelism to environmentalism.
I’m skeptical. How would Jerry Falwell know what Satan is planning?
John Gibson, host of The Big Story on Fox News, is the latest in a series of mainstream reporters sentenced to an eternity in hell for unabashedly obsessive coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith story. Some liberal watchdogs have criticized this transcript from Gibson’s radio show:
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There was some unfortunate confusion in Colorado recently when 53-year old grandmother Carol Pappas (pictured right) stabbed her toddler granddaughter 62 times with a butcher knife based on spiritual advice from a goose. In light of my recent praise of Theodore Beale for his willingness to whack wee ones on My word, I feel obligated to issue a clarification: butchering babies is only okay if I, God, tell you to, not if a goose tells you to.
Apparently the jury did not agree.
There was a recent controversy on YouTube regarding a video presentation put together by atheist Nick Gisburne presenting some of My teachings. YouTube apparently removed the video and deleted his account, prompting dozens of other users to post it in his place. Here’s one working copy of the video in question:
It is based on quotes from the Skeptic’s Annotated Quran. Before Islam starts to get some negative PR, I would like to explain why it’s handy to be so warlike in the cutthroat world of major western religion.
Yesterday I spoke too soon in praise of CNN. I wrote in My last post about devout windbag Debbie Schlussel,
I’m glad CNN realized she belongs on an expert panel, while a lesser network might have assigned her to a straightjacket. Unfortunately their good judgement did not last — they’ve called noted atheist Richard Dawkins to appear in rebuttal on the same show tonight at 8:00pm.
When God says something is going to happen, it damn well better happen! We Gods were all gathered in front of the 200-Inch Plasma TV of the Gods, eager to watch Our faithful allies, armed with lies and endearing Bushesque incoherence, defeat the eloquent atheist in debate. But when Paula Zahn came on she had different news:
Some of you may remember Reverend Ted Haggard from Richard Dawkins‘ documentary The Root of All Evil, in which Pastor Ted valiantly made an ass of himself in front of an international audience in My name. Until recently, he was president of the National Association of Evangelicals and an advisor of President Bush.
Unfortunately, the liberal media has overlooked the way he nobly sacrificed his dignity for Me, preferring to focus on this little bit of dirt they dug up on him. Ted Haggard resigned as pastor of the evangelical New Life Church after it came to light that he cheated on his wife to enjoy a drugged up orgy with a male prostitute and then lied about it.
Right now I have one of heaven’s accountants going over that sentence to tally up exactly how many sins are involved. In the meantime, Ted has already begun to atone, first things first:
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