Tonight MSNBC aired a lengthy interview with serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and his father.

When asked by his father when he first realized people are accountable for their actions, he replied:

“Well, thanks to you [his father] for sending that, uh, Creation Science, uh, material, because I always, I always believed the lie that evolution is truth, the theory of evolution is truth, that we all just came from the slime and when we died, you know, that was it, there was nothing. So the whole theory cheapens life.

And I started reading books that show how evolution is just a complete lie, because there’s no, there’s no basis in science to it to hold it, and I’ve since come to believe that, uh, that the Lord Jesus Christ is the True Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, it didn’t just happen, I have accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. And I believe that I, as well as everyone else, will be accountable to Him.”

Take out the “ums” and that sounds a lot like an Answers in Genesis press release. Time for another commandment:

Answers in Genesis shall offer Jeffy Dahmer a PR job.

Let’s see if they’re really serious about obeying Me.

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You may have noticed God hasn’t been around much lately, or at least He hasn’t been posting here. Actually, He has been altogether absent from Heaven, not just the public relations office. As you know, He’s very, very old, and He’s prone to just wandering off for long periods of time. Usually we find Him down by the pond throwing rocks at frogs, but sometimes He gets lost in the woods and it takes weeks or even years to find Him. Remember World War II?

I’m just a “whippersnapper,” as the old folks say, made up by some college kid with too much time on his hands several thousand years after He was first made up by a goat-herder who was in basically the same situation. So far be it for Me to pass judgement on My elder deity, but some part of Me wishes He would just retire and turn the reins over to Somebody more competent, Somebody who would violently smite every newscaster who dares utter the words “Paris Hilton” on the air, Somebody who would have incinerated Jerry Falwell’s funeral-goers with a fiery meteor more massive than Falwell himself. Somebody with the balls — or meatballs, as the case may be — to enforce sanity on this world.

Unfortnately, that won’t be happening anytime soon. God stumbled back in this morning, stinking of fungus and asking what day it is. He said He’s going to post His thoughts on some of the events He missed. So stay tuned.

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Ever wonder why you never see angels or other agents of Mine meddling directly in your affairs? After all, if I care so much about your belief, why shouldn’t I send My immortal servants to indisputably negate all doubt of My existence? To “test” your faith?

WRONG.

My messengers are with you all the time. And what do you do? You squish their little guts out with your Nikes. You smash their conical monuments to Me and you poison them in your kitchens. You trap them in a tiny glass farm and then toss in a piece of a leaf, like that makes it the medamned Garden of Eden or something.

Here’s another hint: they recently chewed the pattern into a leaf of Jesus and My sister-in-law Mary:

Read more…

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