I think some Christians saw Fight Club.

They apparently left the movie thinking that the one thing that could have made Tyler Durden cooler is a personal relationship with Jesus. So far I agree — a little more prayer and that movie would have been perfect. I started implementing Project Mayhem thousands of years before the Brad Pitt blockbuster hit theaters, and I was disappointed that it failed to credit Me. I should have trademarked mayhem.

The GodMen, as they call themselves, could have taken that message of anarchy and manliness and gone on to start a new Crusade or the next Inquisition. They could have just started punching each other’s lights out. Instead they chose this macho Christian mission:

Read more…

17 Comments »

Ever wonder why you never see angels or other agents of Mine meddling directly in your affairs? After all, if I care so much about your belief, why shouldn’t I send My immortal servants to indisputably negate all doubt of My existence? To “test” your faith?

WRONG.

My messengers are with you all the time. And what do you do? You squish their little guts out with your Nikes. You smash their conical monuments to Me and you poison them in your kitchens. You trap them in a tiny glass farm and then toss in a piece of a leaf, like that makes it the medamned Garden of Eden or something.

Here’s another hint: they recently chewed the pattern into a leaf of Jesus and My sister-in-law Mary:

Read more…

159 Comments »

So, it turns out many of my followers like to cut up their children.

On a positive note, I’m glad Iraq and some other Arab states have such a free and permissive society. Where else can a guy scalp his kid in public without being arrested? Where else is a man allowed to exercise his Me-given right to force his wife not to leave the house unless she’s wearing a beekeeper suit and being escorted by a male who is at least old enough to walk?

Read more…

2 Comments »